


Shadow Of Your Heart

by ChameleonCircuit



Category: Chicago Med, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Smut, M/M, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 13:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChameleonCircuit/pseuds/ChameleonCircuit
Summary: Connor couldn’t quite explain the way his stomach swooped when he saw Peter across the bar. It felt like a lifetime since they’d last seen each other. So much had happened, so many people in between, that Connor had thought he’d moved on from whatever possibility they may have shared, once upon a time, and yet his traitorous heart went into overdrive at the prospect of just seeing Peter again, of being in his presence, even if only for a moment.





	Shadow Of Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [barbaesparza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbaesparza/gifts).



> unbeta'd
> 
> https://sofuckingchuffed.tumblr.com/post/184664638237/im-sorry-i-wasnt-there-for-you-when-you-needed
> 
> Look, these two know each other. They drank at Molly's before Peter moved to New York. Don't tell me they didn't know each other :P

Connor couldn’t quite explain the way his stomach swooped when he saw Peter across the bar. It felt like a lifetime since they’d last seen each other. So much had happened, so many people in between, that Connor had thought he’d moved on from whatever possibility they may have shared, once upon a time, and yet his traitorous heart went into overdrive at the prospect of just seeing Peter again, of being in his presence, even if only for a moment.

“Long time no see,” he said quietly, one hand holding his drink, the other shoved in his pocket in a way he hoped looked casual, natural.

Peter looked up, eyes bleary and confused for just long enough for Connor’s heart to sink, before recognition set in, followed by a smile that didn’t quite seem to reach his eyes.

“Connor.” Peter straightened up, clearing his throat, before gesturing to the seat beside him. “Let me buy you a drink.”

“I was gonna offer the same thing,” Connor said with a grin, taking a seat beside Peter.

Peter huffed, something that might have been a laugh once upon a time, yet somehow managed to sound empty and sad now, as he flagged down the bartender, motioning to both of their drinks.

“You okay?” Connor asked with a frown as their new drinks were sat down in front of them.

Peter dragged his hand over his face with a sigh that caused Connor’s stomach to flip with concern, but then Peter smiled at him, warm and genuine.

“Of course,” he said easily. “What are you doing in New York?”

Connor laughed, angling his body towards Peter a little more, arm resting on the bar top. “I didn’t really have a choice.”

“It’s not that bad,” Peter huffed.

Connor raised an eyebrow, glancing down at his drink. “Not so bad now I’m with you.”

The words hung between them, and for a moment Connor felt bad for putting Peter in the position of choosing how their night went. He could brush the comment off, they could finish their drink, and then go their separate ways. Or, they could share another drink or two, get in a cab, and go home together, like they used to once upon a time.

When Connor looked back up at Peter, trying to push through his uncertainty, Peter’s expression was unreadable. He licked his lips, swallowing as he glanced away, wondering if he’d overstepped. Because so much time had passed, and even though Connor was still single, and still apparently harboring feelings for Peter, there was absolutely no reason to assume he felt the same. Just as he opened his mouth to apologise, Peter leaned in a little closer, fingertips brushing Connor’s hand before resting beside his on the bartop.

“Careful,” Peter said, tone teasing. “Someone might get the wrong idea.

“Maybe that’s the point,” Connor said with a small laugh, looking at Peter properly.

Peter leaned in a little further, close enough that Connor could kiss him if he wanted to. And he did want to, but up this close, with the barlight hanging above them, he could see the way Peter’s eyes struggled to focus, gaze lazy and a little glossy.

“Easy,” he said quietly, offering a soft smile. “How much have you had to drink?”

Peter laughed, pulling back just a little. “Enough, I suppose.”

Connor wanted to ask if he was okay again, but he didn’t want to push it, didn’t want to risk upsetting Peter when they weren’t even friends. Not really. Not anymore.

So he kept his mouth shut instead, sticking to easy banter and flirting, falling back into their old rhythm. It came so easy, like no time had passed, but he could see in Peter’s eyes, in the tension in his shoulders, in the way his laugh had changed and the way his smile seemed to sometimes take him by surprise, that things had changed, and he couldn't help but wonder what had happened in that time.

“Come home with me,” Peter said suddenly, fingertips resting on Connor’s hand.

“Peter—“

“Like we used to.”

Connor sighed. He wanted to, he really did, but he wasn’t exactly sure Peter was in the right frame of mind, and he didn’t want to take advantage of that.

“Fine,” Peter said, standing so abruptly he nearly lost his balance.

He threw the rest of his drink back in one gulp, wincing as the liquid burned on its way down, before grabbing his coat from the back of the chair. He stumbled a little on the first step, and Connor was quick to steady him.

“Come on,” Connor said gently as he stood.

Peter’s ears turned pink as he ducked his head, but he let Connor walk him out without complaint.

He hesitated for a moment after Peter climbed into the back of a cab, unsure if he should follow or not, but a small tug on his hand had him climbing in after Peter, not even sure what his own intentions were.

Peter gave his address before sitting back, and for a moment they were silent. Then slowly, uncertainly, Connor reached across and linked their fingers, giving Peter’s hand a small squeeze. Peter slid across the seat, leaning in close, breath hot against his neck. As Peter nuzzled into his neck, pressing a kiss to his collarbone, he found himself melting into the touch, into the familiarity of this, of Peter. When Peter lifted his head, eyes questioning, Connor couldn’t help but close the distance, crashing their lips together with a sense of urgency he hadn’t even been aware of.

One of Peter’s hands gripped Connor’s neck while the other rested on his thigh, and he had to take a moment to breathe, head spinning with want and desire and perhaps a little too much alcohol.

“You okay?” Peter asked, voice deep and gravelly in a way that made Connor want him more.

“Yeah,” he said with a laugh, cupping Peter’s jaw. “Just...not here.”

Peter nodded, expression unreadable for just a moment before he settled back in his seat with a lazy smile.

The moment they were inside his apartment, Peter had his hands on Connor, guiding him back to the lounge, hands tugging at his shirt, lips clumsy against his neck. He wasn’t used to Peter being so desperate, so needy, but he matched him action for action, sliding Peter’s shirt off of his shoulders before falling back against the lounge, pulling Peter down on top of him.

All hesitation flew out the window as Peter rushed to remove Connor’s clothes, leaving open-mouthed kisses across his chest. He was too caught up in the moment, too desperate to feel Peter inside of him to remember why he’d been hesitant in the first place. He lifted his hips, grinding against Peter, desperate for contact, and Peter let out a shuddering gasp in response, breath hot against Connor’s chest as he hung his head.

For a moment, neither of them moved, but then Peter let out another shaky breath against Connor’s chest, and he noticed a slight tremor in Peter’s shoulders that hadn’t been there before.

“Hey,” he said gently, running his hands up Peter’s back before resting on his shoulder blades. “What’s wrong?”

Peter huffed, shaking his head as he drew in a ragged breath.

Connor slowly took to rubbing gentle circles across Peter’s back, but the tremors didn’t stop. It felt like an age, his heart beating painfully against his ribs, unsure what to do, what he’d done wrong, before Peter eventually pulled himself up and off Connor. He caught the haunted look in Peter’s eyes, the shine of tears, before he sat on the floor, turning away.

He waited a moment before sitting up, resting a hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” Peter whispered.

“It’s okay,” Connor insisted, giving his shoulder a small squeeze. “Talk to me.”

It takes a while of just sitting there, Connor’s hand on Peter’s shoulder, until Peter finally talks. He starts small, with moving to New York, being out of his comfort zone, away from friends in an environment where people resented his existence, but eventually he got to the death of his father and sister. His voice broke on his sister’s name, and he bowed his head, silent sobs wracking his body.

Connor felt a pang deep in his stomach at that, and he moved from the lounge to the floor, wrapping an arm around Peter, who instantly melted against him, face pressed into his chest as he cried.

Connor let out a shaky sigh, threading his fingers into Peter’s hair. He’d known something was wrong, and he had ignored that, and he couldn’t stop the guilt that churned uncomfortably in his stomach.

“I can’t use you like that,” Peter said unexpectedly, voice shaky.

“Like what?”

“Like everyone else I take home. I can’t...you mean so much more to me than that.” Peter lifted his head to look at Connor, tears still clinging to his eyelashes. “You always have.”

Connor sighed softly, cupping Peter’s jaw. He brushed his thumb across Peter’s lips before leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek.

“I’m so sorry,” Connor whispered.

Peter frowned, pulling back a little. “What for?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.”

Peter shook his head, resting his palm across Connor’s heart. “I never said. It’s not your fault.”

Connor licks his lips, nodding. “Still…” Connor sighs, lowering his gaze. “If I could have been here—“

Peter cuts him off with a kiss, warm and soft, before pulling back.

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Peter whispered.

“I don’t have to. Not yet, anyway.”

“Stay the night?”

Connor hesitated, pulling back, but Peter was quick to shake his head, taking Connor’s hand in his.

“I don’t mean...I just...I miss falling asleep with you.”

Connor huffed a laugh. “I miss falling asleep with you, too.”

“So stay.” Peter squeezed Connor’s hand. “Fall asleep in my arms again. Just for a night.”

“Okay,” Connor whispered, pulling Peter in close. “Okay.”


End file.
